Category Archives: Self Help

Welcome, Roger Ellerton!

Highlighted Author is excited to bring you a motivational and inspiring self-help author on the topic of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Because I had never heard of NLP myself, I looked it up on Wikipedia and was completely fascinated by their definition.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in California, United States in the 1970s. Its creators claim a connection between the neurological processes (“neuro”), language (“linguistic”) and behavioral patterns learned through experience (“programming”) and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life. …Bandler and Grinder also claim that NLP can treat problems such as phobias, depression, habit disorder, psychosomatic illnesses, myopia, allergy, common cold and learning disorders, often in a single session. NLP has been adopted by some hypnotherapists and in seminars marketed to business and government.

Enjoy the feature! –Jo Grafford, Co-Hostess, Highlighted Author


Live Your Dreams

This Toolkit for Transformation is the life manual you were not given at birth!

All in one book! A basic introduction to neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), a reference book, and tips and techniques for those wanting to get the most out of life.

  • Learn the five steps for success
  • Discover the beliefs that will change your life
  • Notice how your thoughts create your reality
  • Improve your communication and your results
  • Enhance your relationships at work and at home
  • Avoid the patterns of the past
  • Address internal conflicts
  • Learn life skills for living the life you want
  • Resolve limiting beliefs
  • Generate more choices in your life
  • Create the future you want
  • Coach others and yourself to succeed
  • And much more!

A great resource for individuals, managers, coaches, parents and those in the helping professions – anyone looking for or assisting with personal change.

NLP has helped thousands to discover their own potential. Is it your turn? Is it time to transform your life?

Purchase now on AMAZON.

Follow Roger Ellerton on:

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About the Author

RogerEllerton4I am passionate about helping others get what they desire in life. As a long-time successful businessman, university professor, trainer/coach, public speaker, author and parent, I have first-hand experience with the personal/professional balancing act required in these busy times. I am a former tenured faculty member at the University of New Brunswick, an executive in the Canadian federal government, a certified management consultant (CMC) and have been listed in the International Who’s Who in Education.

My books are in the area of personal growth and inter- and intrapersonal communication. Growing up and as a young adult, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. It was not until I was in my forties that I started exploring personal development methodologies. One in particular (neurolinguistic programming or NLP) had the most positive impact on me and how I interacted with others. I pursued this discipline and eventually became a certified trainer. I had read a number of books on NLP and, although I recommended several to clients/students, I felt the available books did not clearly present the information in a way that was readily accessible to the beginner. So I wrote my own book, which turned out to be very successful and now I have a total of eight books that are published as paperbacks or ebooks.

I have been studying personal development methodologies for almost 30 years. I continue to transform my own life while assisting others from all walks of life and all ages to learn, to address challenges at work and at home and to get more of what they desire in life. I believe that each of us can achieve the success we desire by developing our authentic selves, mastering internal and external congruence and taking charge of our lives.

I am the father of four, an avid gardener and nature lover and enjoy lending a hand to others. I received my BSc. and MSc. from Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, and my PhD from Virginia Tech, Blacksburg, Virginia, USA. I am the founder and managing partner of Renewal Technologies Inc. For more information on my seminars, coaching and consulting services, visit

Note from the Author

Writing and training is a continuous search for new ideas or better ways to convey useful information. As a result of continually evaluating of my work, I realized that some sections could be revised to make them easier to understand, while other sections could be expanded to include additional information – increasing the breadth of your knowledge and abilities.

“All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them”
-Walt Disney

How many of us live our lives according to others expectations? How many of us have put our lives on hold to accommodate a spouse (current or past), our parents, our children, someone who is needier than us, for our job … . How many of us wander through life, with one day the same as the next with little passion for living or purpose in life? How many of us know we could do better, if only we knew how to communicate – with ourselves and with others? Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up helps you discover who you are, what really motivates you and provides you with the knowledge and tools for you to choose what you want in life.

It all begins with communication – the conversation you have with yourself and then the conversation you have with someone else. Do you tell yourself how wonderful you are or do you focus on how things can go wrong, that you do not deserve to succeed? After you have had this conversation with yourself, how does this affect the conversation you have with someone else? And once more do you prove yourself right? And settle for less than you deserve?

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), the subject of this book, has helped thousands to discover their own potential, is it your turn? Are you ready?

This book does not pretend to know what is best for you, nor will it tell you how you should live your life. It provides a Toolkit for Transformation and is the Life Manual you didn’t get when you were born! It’s all about recognizing you have choice, you are always choosing. You have the choice of ‘continuing to do what you have always done and get the same results, or you can choose to do something different.

Other Books by Roger Ellerton


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Welcome Fleur Gaskin

Join me in welcoming Fleur Gaskin to Highlighted Author


Fleur Gaskin calls herself a Kiwi. She grew up in Wellington. When she was twenty, she left New Zealand to start her career as an international model. She travelled Asia and Europe, modeling as she went. Now, she lives in Shanghai with her fiancé and two cats.

Author Fleur Gaskin is with us today to tell us about her debut novel, Arabelle’s Shadows-A Guide to Understanding Depression & Other Destructive Afflictions of the Mind. She has a fantastic website set up, Fighting the Shadows, to help both those with these disorders and those who have these people in their lives.


Welcome, Fleur. Please tell us about your featured book.

When I first started writing Arabelle’s Shadows, I thought I was going to write a kind of exposé on the truth about modeling. We always hear about the rich, glamorous lives of supermodels but their lives are so amazing because they are at the top of the industry. Most models lives aren’t quite so magical. It’s the difference between a celebrity chef on the Food Network and a line cook in your local pub. Then I started writing Arabelle’s Shadows and I found that I had much more to say. Modeling became the setting for my novel, not the focus.

Arabelle’s Shadows is about depression and learning how to love yourself. In the novel, Arabelle is constantly battling her vile Shadows. The Shadows are those dark thoughts in your mind telling you that you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough. Not everyone becomes depressed the way Arabelle did, but most people have some Shadows to contend with. Sometimes they show themselves through an eating disorder, an addiction or anxiety. Sometimes they reveal themselves through a temper problem or an inability to stay in a relationship. I hope that readers of Arabelle’s Shadows will learn how to control their own Shadows.

My inspiration for writing Arabelle’s Shadows was to show that wealth, beauty, thinness won’t bring us peace. Happiness comes within ourselves.


What they’re saying:

“Arrabelle’s story is in the spirit of such classics as “Bright Lights, Big City.” It’s well written and well told from an insider’s view looking back. There’s a feeling of other-worldliness in setting which is very well described. Arrabella is growing up before our eyes and we can’t help but cheer for her.

If you like coming of age stories, human struggle stories and generally raw looks into a field where most people have a short shelf life, I think you’d have a hard time finding a better example than “Arrabelle’s Shadows.”—T. Dewhirst, Avid Reader

Written in diary form, this coming of age story is based on real-life events and provides an interesting look at the not-so-perfect life of aspiring international models. Arabelle’s Shadows is quite different from many of the New Adult books I have reviewed in the past, which is not a bad thing at all. I like different.

“The story deals with very real issues, including depression, eating disorders, and suicide, to name a few. And though there are guys galore, it isn’t your typical boy meets girl, lots of angst ensues, boy and girl finally get together, boy and girl have major misunderstanding, and then boy and girl make up and live happily ever after. No, this book is real and deals with very real situations, insecurities, and relationships, which more often than not, are messy.”—Nevaeh, Amazon Review

Arabelle’s Shadows


Everything in Arabelle’s life is coming together. She has confidence, great friends, she’s even dating Naak, a wealthy Thai socialite. But there are too many models in Bangkok. Arabelle’s broke, she can’t find an agent in New York, and Naak isn’t as wonderful as he first appears. Slowly the Shadows creep back into Arabelle’s mind, bringing with them thoughts of hopelessness and despair. The vile Shadows know something Arabelle’s refusing to remember and, if she’s not careful, they’ll use it to destroy her. Based on a true story, Arabelle’s Shadows takes us on a journey through the struggles of growing up, not quite making it as an international model, and attempting to overcome a crushing depression.


Click Image To Purchase . . .


My day started off okay. I had a casting at Emporium, a shopping centre near Rompo. I’ve always loved being in Emporium. Outside it’s all hot, dirty and crowded but as soon as you walk through the entrance everything’s cool, spacious and sparkly. And it’s welcoming, even though it’s full of lavish designer stores. It’s not like other stuffy malls for the wealthy, which always make me feel uncomfortable like, since I don’t have a platinum credit card, I shouldn’t be there.

After the casting I saw my friend Ying Thompson walking towards the escalator. She broke off from the group she was with and came over to give me a hug. “Hey Arabelle, what are you doing? Come sit with me while I get my makeup done.”

“Are you doing a fashion show?” I asked her thinking of all the models that’d been with her. “Nope. The others are, I’m hosting the event. Come on!” Without waiting for me to reply she linked her arm through mine and led me downstairs towards a backstage area in the basement. Ying’s a very popular singer in Thailand. As we walked through the mall you could hear people saying her name and giggling. Ying paid no attention to all the turning heads. She was on the phone, in the middle of a fierce monetary negotiation with a client. They want her to become the face of their rice crackers.

The concrete room we entered was full of people bustling around getting ready for the fashion show. We found an empty space and sat down amongst everyone else’s handbags, shawls and bottles of water.

“So what’s been happening?” She asked in a strong Kiwi accent (her Dad’s from New Zealand, her Mum’s Thai-Chinese). “I think I…” I was bursting to tell her about Naak but Ying’s assistant interrupted and started asking a lot of questions in Thai. “Sorry,” Ying said focusing her attention back to me, “what were you going to say?”

“I was out at Bed the other week and… well… I think I’m dating Naak!”

Ying pursed her lips together in a frown, not the look of excitement I’d been expecting. “No you’re not.” Ying said flatly, “Naak has a girlfriend. She left to study in the States a couple of weeks ago.”

Looking away from Ying I caught sight of my reflection in the makeup mirror opposite me. My face was stuck in the smile I’d worn when I was telling her I had a boyfriend. Except now the lines around my mouth were strained. With bulging eyes my smile looked more like a grimace.

“I think they’re dating because her family owns a lot of the property on Sukumvit Road,” Ying continued. “You know, she’s only eighteen!” Naak’s thirty.

“Okay,” I murmured. I searched desperately for something else to say in response. Luckily the brand new mobile on Ying’s lap began to vibrate. With her perfectly manicured fingers, a tiny crystal heart in the centre of each nail, Ying set about replying to the text message. Ying hates all unpleasantness and it appeared that, as far as she was concerned, the issue was settled.

I’ve had plenty of experience detaching myself from my wretched weeping soul and by the time Ying put her phone down I’d rearranged my face into neutral. My robot body looked at my mobile and told Ying, “Sorry, I’ve got to go see the agency now,” it hugged her goodbye. It smiled and acted like Arabelle didn’t care that Naak had a girlfriend.

My insides died and disintegrated the whole journey home. I paused the tears right up until I exited the elevator. When I found no one in my shared room I blinked, allowing them trickle down the sides of my face and jump to the floor.


Get your copy of Arabelle’s Shadows at these fine outlets:

Barnes and Noble:


You can find more about Fleur here:







Welcome Helga Hayse

Join me in welcoming Helga Hayse to Highlighted Author


Helga Hayse educates people on the role that money plays in family relationships. She leads workshops on financial intimacy for couples and between parents and children. She writes and speaks from the heart, leading people through her personal experience with transforming pain into regenerative legacy between generations. Helga is a popular guest on radio, television and internet talk shows discussing the role of money in families and marriage.

Her books include “Don’t Worry About a Thing, Dear” – Why Women Need Financial Intimacy which chronicles the author’s experience of suddenly being widowed but being prepared with the financial and emotional tools to rebuild her life, and “Reconstructing Aphrodite”, a compilation of personal narratives of breast cancer survivors published by Syracuse University Press.


Welcome, Helga. Please tell us about yourself and your featured book, “Don’t Worry about a Thing, Dear” – Why Women Need Financial Intimacy.

A year before I was widowed, I created “A Wife’s Guide to Financial Savvy,” a seminar to teach women about the need for their financial participation in their marriage. I was married to a businessman in California, a community property state. My name was on all the company documents, thus making me responsible for all financial obligations the company had, even though I had no decision making power.

Just as I was launching the seminar in the public arena, my husband died suddenly in a traumatic accident. The information I had researched to teach other women helped save my life.

I wrote “Don’t Worry about a Thing, Dear” – Why Women Need Financial Intimacy  to help wives in community property states protect their financial interests in case of divorce or widowhood. Too many women are vulnerable to financial hardship because they have not participated in their marriage finances. I show women why they should participate, how they can, what they need to know and plan for and how to encourage their husband to create a financially intimate marriage.

My background is Investigative Journalism. I was a reporter for the San Jose Mercury News and a freelancer for a wide variety of publications. In researching this subject, and interviewing over 100 women, I realized the lack of transparency in marital finances harms women more than men. This book is designed to even out the playing field.


What they’re saying:

“As a clergy person who delights in performing weddings and counseling I was thrilled to read this book. I now give it to all my couples as their first wedding present. I urge them to read the book together, fill in the checklists with the appropriate information to share attitudes about money and to seek answers to those things they do not understand or agree upon…. I urge other clergy to read and recommend Ms Hayse’s book. Her style is direct and understandable. It is immediate and clearly heartfelt. She takes away the mystery surrounding the topic of finances and, through her own compelling story, encourages all to become familiar with the steps to financial intimacy.”— Ellen Schwab, Cantor, Peninsula Temple Beth El

“Every woman should read this book – it is an easy read and extremely informative. I am amazed at how many successful women I know (some with higher-paying jobs than their husbands), trust their husbands to handle all their financial affairs without full knowledge of the situation…. As a former banker, I can tell you Helga’s advice is sound. On a personal note, her way of educating you is encouraging and motivating. You will not be disappointed in this book.”— Cathy Keys, Project Manager, Oracle Corporation

“Helga Hayse weaves together her own personal story with sage advice for women on taking an active role in their own financial future. She has a great writing style that’s easy to read, but doesn’t talk down to the reader. Her recommendations are thoughtful, and include some good general tips on how to have a meaningful and productive conversation with your husband. This is a great book that’s worth getting, and worth holding on to.”— Dr. Scott Haltzman, Author of “The Secrets of Happily Married Men”

Helga interviewed on


How well are you prepared?

Take Helga’s 1 minute Financial Intimacy Quiz

Click Rings to Take the Quiz 



“Don’t Worry about a Thing, Dear”



If you’re married or intend to be, this book will act as your guide to achieving financially open marriage. You’ll learn step-by-step how to protect yourself against the financial consequences of divorce or widowhood.

Financial intimacy in marriage is not about trust. It’s about being a well-informed partner who understands the total financial picture between you and your fiancée or husband. The law says you’re entitled to this information. This book will teach you how to get it.




Why I Wrote This Book

“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”

Tuli Kupferberg


Click Image To Purchase . . .

I loved my husband and suffered agonizing trauma and loss after he died suddenly in an accident. But after the early years of sharp grief subsided and I began to pick up the pieces of my life, I started to think of him as a more idealized version of the man I married than as the man he actually was. After many false starts writing this book with that idealized image in mind, I realized I hadn’t been emotionally honest with others, or myself, about the relief I felt to be free of the financial pressures — and resentments — I often experienced in our marriage.

These years of being on my own have allowed me to live life without the distorting filter of my husband’s preferences and dreams. But without the financial preparation I completed — some on my own, some with my husband — my life would have been dramatically different. I would never have recovered financially from the burden of his death. I would never have forgiven him for risking my future safety to achieve his dreams. And I might have felt guilty forever for all the things I hadn’t shared with him.

Today, I would never allow someone to make financial decisions for me without discussing the consequences of those actions first. I would insist on understanding anything I sign – a contract, an income tax return, a letter of intent — that would obligate me financially. But I wasn’t like that during my two marriages. The first ended in divorce; the second ended in death.

Like so many other women I know, my marriage had a public face and a private face. It endured because of protective fictions on my part that ate away at me slowly, but steadily. I realize now how those fictions enabled the relationship to function.


My personal story is a backdrop against which to frame a larger and more widespread problem that exists for millions of women in the United States: the lack of understanding and participation in marital finances. Our willingness to let our husband handle the finances in the marriage impacts our own financial safety and our ability to cope in the event of widowhood or divorce.

That’s just what I did.  I assumed that my husband was smarter about money than I was and that he had my best interests at heart.  In retrospect, it’s clear that he was doing what he wanted to do – build his business, hope it would be successful, and, in that way, serve both our interests. What he failed to do, and what I didn’t know I should do until my own realization about financial intimacy, was build in the protections for me if things didn’t go according to plan. As it so happened, nothing went according to plan.

I’m not unique. Like many of you, I confused money with love and didn’t understand that the institution of marriage removes your financial autonomy. Whatever else it may mean emotionally, a marriage license is first and foremost a contract of partnership recognized by the state as a legally binding agreement. Once you say, “I Do”, you are one-half of a legal and financial entity. From that point on, whatever your husband is doing, or intends to do financially, whether you know about it or not, you are, or will be, doing it, too. The same holds true for your husband. But if he is the one who is controlling your marital finances, you are the one at risk. You’re the one for whom I’m writing this book.

Oddly enough, in most states, it’s easier to get married than it is to buy a gun or get a driver’s license. For the gun, you must wait 10 days, or whatever the law is in your state, while the authorities run identity checks on you. A 16-year-old can get a driver’s license after passing a written and driving test. The authorities can revoke either the permit for the gun or the driver’s license if you engage in illegal behavior.

In my county in California, you can get married within 30 minutes of applying for a marriage license. What does it take? Bride and groom have to be there, show an official ID such as a driver’s license or a passport, and pay $78 (cash only) for the license. No blood test is required. No questions asked. No skills evaluated. No competency demonstrated. No background check instigated. In other words, the state makes it appallingly easy to get married – and miserably complicated to work your way through the financial consequences of widowhood or divorce.

That’s why money – understanding it and being able to talk about it in a conscious, responsible and respectful way – is as important to your marriage as sex, romance and love. We lavish our attention on the latter three – and assume that money will just take care of itself. It doesn’t.

The sad truth is that going into marriage, it’s all about love. Coming out of it, either through widowhood or divorce, it’s all about money.

In this book, I’m not going to give you detailed or complicated legal or financial advice. My goal is to alert you to your rights in marriage and how those rights are compromised by romantic fictions about marriage. I hope that after reading through the chapters, you will seek expert legal and financial advice for the actions you need to take to protect you if something happens to end your marriage.


Get your copy of “Don’t Worry about a Thing, Dear” at Amazon. 


Connect with Helga Hayse! Here’s where you can find her: